I was speaking with a good friend a few days ago. To protect her embarrassment over this, I will call her Michelle. Michelle was suffering from a severe case of The Hater Syndrome (T.H.S). Yeah, it was a very bad case of it. She couldn’t wait to list her ailments to me and so she began… “I’m in my forties single with no children. I live pay check to pay check. I’m fat and out of shape. I don’t have a college degree and I’m so lonely because all of my friends are married or in relationships. I hate my job and the people I work with. I hate my life. I hate my car. I hate my clothes because they don’t fit anymore. I hate my hair…blah blah blah “ I decided to spare you the rest of the details. I had to listen to about an hour of these complaints. Michelle said that she looked around at the people in her life and they all seemed so damn happy. It seemed that life has treated them so much better and it was not fair.

Michelle then whipped out her cell phone and showed me a picture of a mutual acquaintance on facebook and asked me “why can’t I have what she has. She seems so happy.” The hate was all over her face and it was making her pale. I looked at the picture of this woman with her wide smile and her beautiful family surrounding her and I contemplated telling my friend what I knew of this person. This woman in the picture had lost her job a year ago and in addition her mother was battling cancer. I was torn between disgust and pity. Michelle had no clue, and it really wasn’t her business, and why should I tell her just so she could feel better? Still Michelle is my friend and T.H.S was raging in Michelle’s body, so I offered her the antidote with the other woman’s truth. She looked almost happy and relieved, but dutifully shook her head and gave the required sympathetic response, “Damn. I didn’t know. She never posted that on facebook.” I felt disgusted with myself internally. I didn’t make the right decision on that one.

Before the conversation ended I pointed out a few of Michelle’s blessings. I mentioned her job, her health and her very supportive family. I think my pep talk helped a bit, but knowing her she’ll be back sick next week. Her hater syndrome is so full blown that the cure (other’s people’s misery) doesn’t last for too long. I think she likes to be sick with hate. Some people are like that. She’s so busy looking at her cup and being mad that is not all the way full, that she forgets to appreciate that there is a lot of water in it still. And she’s mad because she thinks that your cup is fuller than hers. Some people can’t be helped T.H.S runs too deep.
A couple of months ago I was listening to a popular radio station. The host asked a ninety year old woman on her birthday if she had any words of wisdom. She said that she found the secret to happiness years ago and it added years to her life. She said that the key to happiness was simply being grateful. She said that if every human being was asked to put their personal bag of woes into a bag with everyone else’s and asked to pull a bag that did not belong to them, that most of us would want our personal bag of woes bag back. Our troubles are a lot of times not so bad after all when compared to a lot of other people.

To kick the hater syndrome you really have to challenge yourself to change your perspective on your own life and only fully focus on the good things. Pay homage to the blessings only. It’s very hard at first, and takes a lot of practice like with any other life skill. Think about the things that make you grateful. I am sure you have a lot to be grateful for. For me it’s as simple as I can go home to a home, pull out food from my fridge and cozy up on my couch after a very long day. Some people can’t do even that. I am healthy in mind, body and soul. A lot of people aren’t. And another thing…I can do anything I really want to do with nothing holding me back but fear and that makes me richer than most people in the world. No I wasn’t born a Hilton or a Rockefeller, but who knows the kind of problems they deal with daily. I’m okay with my bag of woes. What about you? I will try to appreciate that my issues aren’t as bad as they could be and focus on the wonderful things that God has already blessed me with. And I will not look at other people’s blessings and wish for them. God gave me my personal gifts for a reason and it’s to fulfill his purpose and my destiny. I will work on being grateful every day.

Natalie Simone
www.perfectmuse.org

My friend Heidi once shared with me her “full cup philosophy” in a relationship. I am sure it would be okay if I share it with you. It makes so much freakin’ sense! She said that you are a full cupper if you are where you want to be spiritually, professionally, personally and all of the positive “allys.” It does not mean that you are perfect, but that you have grown a lot and you are happy with the person you have become in life. You may still have some work to do, but you are evolved enough to not drive your significant other crazy with your personal issues. It means then that you are finally off meds, no longer on suicide watch, no crazy exes that are still lurking in the picture, drug free and no longer struggling with alcoholism. You no longer roll over after a night of partying and wonder who the hell is next to you in bed. You now have morals, values, goals and life achievements that reflect your success. As a full cupper, you may now be very spiritual, and this has added a whole new dimension to your character. Full cupper, you work out and take care of body by eating the right foods. You really enjoy your own company! Your finances are in order or on the road to recovery. If you are all of this and more, then more than likely YOU ARE IN THE FULL CUP CLUB. Congratulations, and give yourself a pat on the back. You are few and far between and probably already in a relationship with another full cupper…GREAT FOR YOU! ( Rolling my eyes)

Now this part is for those of you who are not so lucky. Maybe you did not find your full cupper partner because you are not one of them, or you are the full cupper trying to make magic with a half cupper or even less. I want you to know something about your situation. YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY because you are UNEQUALLY YOKED. If you are at the zenith of your existence, yet you chose to share yourself with people who are not on your level (meaning level of water in your cup) you will be unhappy. It is just that simple people. If this is you, you will find that you are pouring yourself into their cup so that they can get more full and be a better partner for you, but in the process you are losing some of your level. To get them on your level, you have to lose some of your level. As a result, you may find that because of this association, you are regressing in life, or you are not as driven, or purposeful or as spiritually connected as you once were. This is what happens when you pour your gains into another soul trying to make them more like you. I will let you know something else, if you are pouring into another person’s cup, don’t count yourself as a full cupper. A person who has reached full cup would only want to be partnered with another full cup. It’s the law of reaching to the top. It’s why people with money marry other people with money. People want to associate with people who are like them. The same goes for criminals or christians. More than likely, if you are a full cupper (but you find yourself pouring into another person to make them full), you are really are a half cupper or less, with delusions of grandeur. I want you to know, too, that if you are a less than a full cupper and you are with someone on your cup level, you too WILL NOT BE HAPPY because you can’t get to the next level pouring into another person. They take all of your resources trying to get full or you do that to them..No, your best bet is to leave them alone and work on being that full cupper!

So now you may ask, what do you do to become a full cupper and be very “yokabe?” That is the question of the century my friends. It means different things for different people. Here are a few questions you must consider on your journey to becoming a full cupper: Have you conquered your demons? Realize that demons and spiritual ties come in many forms for example drug addiction, sex addiction and love addiction. Have you conquered your fears, like the fear of being alone? Have you reconciled with the past mistakes you made and have forgiven yourself for them ? Is your past still haunting you? This haunting can be in the form of memories of childhood sexual abuse, being a witness/victim of domestic violence or being a victim of adult date rape. Have you properly healed from your ALL of your past relationships, and have you assessed what you did wrong, or more importantly why you chose wrong? These are just some of the questions that you must consider and work through in your quest to becoming a full cupper. Sorry, I never said I had all of the answers, just some of the questions, and really this list is a lot longer. I just wanted to plant some seeds in your mind in the hopes you create your own fruit trees with them.

I want you to know that just because I talk about it does not mean I walk about it! Think of me as the flashlight in a room of darkness. I may shine some light , but my room is still dark at times too. As humans we are constantly trying to ascend to the next level of existence…I too am on that climb. So here is to all of you three quarter, half and quarter cuppers out there still trying to make it to the next level. I wish you GODSPEED in your quest to be whole and I raise my cup to you in celebration of your continued efforts…To you full cuppers I raise my a middle finger because you don’t need my cup as yours runneth over (LOL)

I hope to go even deeper in my quest to becoming a full cupper. Like you, I am hoping to emerge full and complete on the other end. This is my first entry…let’s see where this takes us…

Follow me on twitter @ writerNatSimone
or go to my website to find out more about me for shits and giggles: www.perfectmuse.org

Here’s some video from the Callback where we assembled the final cast. Plus, playwright Natalie Simone shares her thoughts on finally seeing her characters come to life.